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How I lost near 100 pounds in 3 months.

I know literally everyone has been asking me how I did it. How did you lose weight Diamond? WELL ill tell you now after a year of achieving this goal. Honestly what I did was completely NOT HEALTHY. Everyone told me what I was doing was dumb and wouldn’t work. Which is true… but I didn’t say I was going to write about a healthy diet and exercise ideas. I said I would tell you how I lost the weight, so please no judgement I already knew the consequences and learn them personally, and I will get to that! For now, since what I did a year ago was well… a year ago. I decided to retrace my steps and try this challenge again!

So I went on what is called a 10 day Fast. For those who don’t know fasting is its a an old age practice for religious people, but it has became more and more popular over the decade.. There are different ways to fast the three I know is 1) To cleanse the body to get closer to god. 2) Only eating certain times of the days 3) To completely go a certain amount of days with no food. Which is what I did. I went 10 days with no food at all. I only drunk water, maybe lemon water to help the cleanse but that was it for 10 days. I did this challenge once a month for 3 months. (Hint I am not religious at all just opened minded)

Now recently in the past month I did the 10 day challenge again. I wrote down everything I was feeling and thinking day by day to give you an idea what its like to actually go 10 days without eating.

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DAY 1

If you guys don’t know what this is, this is my blog finally talking about how I lost 100 pounds in 3 months. I don’t quite remember everything from my first challenge so I am doing the honors of retracing my steps and starting a new 10 day challenge and write down how I feel each day.
This challenge is just fasting for 10 days, with no food. That means I only drink water for ten straight days, with nothing to eat. Not a single thing.

So far it’s been 24 hours since I last ate. Nothing too horrible, I feel fine. I was super busy today anyways to even think about eating so it wasn’t hard. I drunk a lot of water today without noticing it. I am at work right now writing this and I don’t feel exhausted and it’s 12am, day one went okay. Then again, my body is used to this challenge so it might be harder for other people their first day not to eat.

DAY 2

So I’m for sure feeling hungry today. I keep reminding myself that what I’m doing won’t be worth it if I don’t finish the challenge. So I cannot give up. I keep grinding my teeth for some reason I think it’s my bodies message saying she’s hungry. It feels really good to be hungry sometimes. I hope that’s not weird. I had to keep busy on purpose today so I took Olivia to the library and the park for a couple hours to keep my mind off of being hungry.

Short story: When I first started doing this challenge I had finally lost 20 pounds and was noticing changes. I told my friend with so much excitement and her response was “you don’t even look different, you should just stop”. You guys have no idea how bad that hurt because I just lost 20 pounds and was so fucking proud of myself. I really cried that day because I thought what I was doing was pointless. SO! that motivates me losing weight every time I do this challenge because what I did MADE A DIFFERENCE. That was the last time I let anyone bring me down because of my weight.

Moral of the story: Be a leader not a follower.

DAY 3

So usually after day 3 my body cleanses it’s self of all the food I’ve had the past week and I have nothing else left in my stomach. Today I don’t feel hungry and I thought about it all day. I thought about getting food or fast food so it’s quick and over with and I wouldn’t feel regret, but I didn’t. It’s also so hard not to eat when you have a two year old who’s hungry every two hours!! So I’m forced to cook and smell these food foods. I made it to day 3 and I can’t go back now. I really can’t give up because that’s giving in, and right now I’m in this part of my life where I can’t give up on things I believe in so strongly.

I also think… this is just 10 days out of my entire life that I don’t eat and I’ll get the body I want for a life time. So this is worth it, I’ve done it before I know how it works. I know this is just a mind over matter situation. I GOT THIS. Day 3!!! Only seven more days left.

DAY 4

Okay I’m going to be completely honest with you, I am so angry because I really miss the five layer burrito from TacoBell. (Literally day 4 and can’t stop dreaming of burritos) I chewed on a piece of gum and spit it out instantly because OF THE GUILT. I feel so tired. I guess you get energy from eating and if you don’t eat your body starts using sleep as energy. So I’ve been drastically tired, but I haven’t been hungry. I have thought about being hungry, but my body no longer craves food. In fact I think I’d throw up if I tried. So now it’s definitely a mind over matter thing and I decided to create a food journal. A journal where I write down every food I’m dreaming of. An example would be writing down a four for four at Wendy’s… I’d definitely get the jr bacon meal and strawberry lemonade with a side of sour cream for my French fries… maybe even a side chicken sandwich for a finishing touch. ((BUT REMEMBER THESE ARE ONLY THOUGHTS ABOUT FOOD, I STILL DIDN’T EAT.) Yes I know this sounds cruel to my body mentally and physically and in many way pathetic but this is ACTUALLY how I am losing weight. I will mention again this challenge is not healthy at all. In the past 4 days I have lost 8 pounds. I read somewhere you’re only supposed to technically lose 2 pounds a week for a “healthy rate”.

What day are we on? Oh right.

DAY 5

Okay…. half way done.

I have been just doing normal day things. I took Olivia on a walk, I went to work last night, did some laundry, just everyday things. Life is still moving on. It’s really easy to turn down food when someone’s offers it now. At first it’s hard to say no to free food, and it’s harder explaining to the person why you don’t want it.

Honestly what I want is to be skinny. Not even skinny just little enough not to seem masculine anymore. I’m 5″7 with size 11 feet I am a BUILT lady. I wish I could just be feminine for once. I wrote in my food journal a lot today. It’s kinda funny I noticed today that literally no one has noticed that I haven’t eaten in days. Not one soul has asked me if I was okay.

Just remember you are in this for you. Not your boyfriend not your mom or coworkers. This challenge is to prove to myself I am in control of my life and I have the willpower to change anything I put my mind to.

Day 6

Dun dun dunnnnnn!!!!! I’m pretty impressed. I’ve lost 15 pounds so far day six. I keep standing on the scale over and over to check and see if it was broken but it’s not 🙂 I feel confident. I could probably wear a bikini and feel like the shit. Just because of the confidence I have, not because of the way my body looks. I still very much hate my body but at least that confidence boost helps. It will be ONE WEEK TOMORROW. I am so proud, I am not going to flex though, I am missing taste… you know… just tasting things in general. All I’ve been doing is drinking water and it has no flavor whatsoever. I miss tasting food. This challenge has really made me appreciate food more especially when the challenge is over and I can eat again. Honestly I feel really weak. I couldn’t win a fist fight right now, like I could be physically aggressive my body is so sore. I just want to lay down and sleep. I’ve been so busy with Olivia (my two year old) and I’m using a lot of energy doing that so it makes me even more tired. I also feel emotionally blank. I just want to stare off into space.

DAY 7 (One week)

I’m down 20 pounds now. I can see my rib cage when I suck in and it’s a beautiful feelings to notice hard work accomplished. I didn’t write in my food journal today. I’m SO tired of drinking water it feels like I’m swimming in a pool every time I take a drink.

Let’s admit I probably need therapy or some type of mental help but here I am. It’s okay, you’re not here to judge me, you’re here to know how I lost 100 pounds. I just want this entire blog to be completely honest. IF you think I’m crazy for doing this just look on YouTube how many others filmed there 10 day journey of fasting. Some make it to 20 days even.

I am sad because food makes me happy and comfortable and like.. a “at home” feeling. Now I’m skinny and uncomfortable and I don’t know my body anymore.

DAY 8

I am honestly so hungry, this is so hard. I worked out today out of anger for how hungry I am. I was burning a lot of calories today and it felt good to know 100% that I am FOR SURE losing weight at that very moment. I’m mentally obsessed and I probably have gained an eating disorder because this is my 4 month ever doing this challenge in less that a year and I can’t mentally accept things how they are. I feel like I still have to keep going.

I almost gave in and ate a yogurt thinking it’ll just slide through me and won’t count but I can’t do it. I can’t give up I have only two days left. I may be weak right now physically but I am NOT weak minded.

Day 9

I’m sorry you guys. I did actually give up on day 9 and ate a banana. So I am going to say I failed this challenge but there is more to come! I’ve lost a total of 23 pounds in 9 days. *applause* *bow*

I’ve learned to always stay humble no matter the situation. I just wanted the world to know how “unhealthily” lost weight. I also want to mention I have a theory I had gallbladder attacks because of fucking up my eating habits and therefore had to have my gallbladder removed. So please if you really don’t give a shit and want to be like me, try this 10 day challenge!!

Just to be helpful Incase I wasted your time today here is a link to healthy way to lose weight correctly: https://www.webmd.com/diet/features/10-ways-to-lose-weight-without-dieting

If you have any questions PLEASE don’t be scared to ask.

Until next time,

This is my depression.

I almost killed myself yesterday.

I was so close to death last month too.

I wanted to wreck my car into a wall last week.

I imagined what it would feel like if someone would stab me.

I thought about how it would feel to die while drowning or if my ears would hurt under the water.

I stare out into blank space thinking about different ways to die sometimes.

I want to kill myself even more knowing my daughter needs me to be alive, because there really is no escape.

I feel heavy. I feel so blank as if I switched the off button in my chest. How could I feel this way? Right. I hear it all the time. “It’ll get better” “you’ll be okay” “you have your daughter” “Its not even that bad”.

Constantly I think there has to be another way to be happy. I wouldn’t just be here living and breathing for no reason at all. But honestly? I hate the same routine I have every day. I change it up all the time and yet it still feels like every feeling in my soul does not want to be alive anymore.

I used to feel weak saying that I wanted to die, but now I feel so much pride in saying it because I truly feel with every fiber in me that I do not want to be here. Its not like anyone takes me serious anyways. No one checks up on me, its not anyone job to make sure Im doing okay. Im an adult and I could get therapy and I could work on selfcare but I don’t. What’s the point? I have done it all before. I just gave up on the fact that what Im doing in life is useful.

Im not just writing this to get attention. I don’t even know if Im going to post this. All I will hear later is that life will get better, you need therapy, youre a bad mom blah blah blah. So tell me why I have been waiting for death to arrive everyday since I was 15? Its this weight in my chest that’s constantly there. Especially when Im most distracted this weight weighs the most. I could be driving or talking to people completely oblivious, without thinking about death at all and ding its back again. It doesn’t ever leave.

I don’t really care if people think Im a bad mom for having these thoughts all the time. I know Im a wonderful mom and my daughter has everything and anything and is probably the happiest baby you’ll ever encounter. I am still human. I am still here because of her. I am so sad, so fucking sad but for right now she’s the reason Im breathing. Im not going to make her feel like its ever her responsibility to keep me here, but just for now Im holding on.

My body hurts from being so drained and this weight in my chest makes me so quiet and tired. Finally writing this down and actually rereading it helps the weight lighten. It isn’t anyone job to help me, so here I am trying to take steps to help myself. I do not feel guilty for writing this because its helped me more than anything has in a while.

I am not afraid to die, I am afraid to live.

I heard sleep is the cousin of death. Maybe ill sleep for a while.

Until next time,

Blue

You know, I didn’t know I was sad until I looked in the mirror and my hair was blue. I didn’t know I was sad until I sat on my couch in a huge empty apartment alone.  I didn’t know I was sad until I started to hate going to the job I used to love.

This isn’t about me being sad, because I am not a sad or emotional person in the slightest.  This is just me expressing myself.  In all honesty I can’t tell if I am the black sheep of the family.  Maybe I can just be the blue sheep, because I am always feeling blue. I don’t know if thats a thing or not but it is today.  My new motto is “feeling blue? just dye your hair blue”.

SO anyways, I got new roommates and that helps fade the blue a little. Now I don’t have a huge empty apartment to sit alone in anymore. So that cancels one thing out. I just need to work on a couple more things to move on. In my last blog I talked about bouncing back and getting my life together, well how the fuck do you even start. And how the fuck do you keep going after starting? I guess it’s all in the grind.

I have read maybe like five books about keeping up with the grind but it all just goes over my head. I figured out that sometimes you just have to get away from everything and really take a moment to process life. Honestly really think about everything that is going on, run through it and take it in. I know it’s hard to remember to do this but when you’re feeling like life is happening too fast its time to really think about whats going on. This is the first step I am trying to do to succeed in bouncing back.

I don’t know, I’m just taking steps as slow and careful as I can. I can’t fuck up this time.

Until Next Time,

Finally!

Hello Hello Hello!!!!!

 

It seems like forever since I have written anything on here. Honestly I have been writing in my notebook I have because I usually don’t carry around my laptop enough to be typing. Also, I haven’t had a lot to talk about! I mean, since the last time I wrote anything my daughter turned one, I graduated high school, got a new and amazing job, and bought a car. I aaaaalso went on the Carnival cruise and happen to go to Mexico and Catalina Island. But you know, I have nothing to talk about. HAHA

I don’t know I just feel like instead of writing everything down as it goes, just live life and tell stories later. I’m not that exciting, so my blogs are always so little when I type. SO I am glad I have enough time to actually sit down and just type everything out.

Not to mention today is my big 21!!! (also crazy because I just graduated high school)  Which is kinda a funny story because I got held back in life so much and I was finally able to kinda catch up. IN fact, I wrote and gave an entire speech at my graduation about how I got to where I am, and that graduating really matters. It was in front of hundreds of people… no pressure or anything. I am super proud of that because after I gave my speech everyone was clapping and the one person I did this for MY DAUGHTER was there in the audience clapping too!! Never have I been more proud of myself.

Maybe at this point in the blog I am just rambling but I really love my job. I actually LOVE going to work every day. I get in my car and I don’t hate the fact that I am about to go to work. I take so much pride in it as well. I would love to possibly expand this career later on in life, who knows. I do know that things always get bad before they can be good. Other wise if things were always good all the time, would they even be good things? Or just normal because you have nothing to compare it to?

I found out recently that my parents are not the only ones who read my blog! which kind of made me want to write more. Even if you guys just skimmed through it, it still means a lot to me to take time out of your day to read them, so thank you.

ahhh this entire time I was typing my thoughts came out faster than I could type and I had to retype a lot of things. But it’s all cool and beans from here on out.

 

Email me for any questions! Diamondcbiehl@yahoo.com

 

Until next time,

 

 

 

Ma-MA

Being a mom is kinda hard.  People say “Well thats because youre a young mother”.  Okay, I get it. That doesn’t mean that even if I were 30 years old and had my first baby things wouldn’t be any easier. It’s so hard to be a mother who works full time because I barley get alone time. As soon as I get off work I have to get to my daughter and start being a mom again.

Not saying that being a mom is horrible or anything. I love my baby, I would do anything and everything for her. Seriously.. anything she needs I will be the first one to get to her. She is an angel sent to me, I swear to you. My life was going downhill before she came along and fixed everything.

I think the hard part is having to do so much for an entire person and basically do the same thing for yourself too. Being a mom is exactly like being two entire people…or three or four if you have more than one kid. Such as eating, getting dressed, going to the bathroom, and resting. It’s hard to do those things yourself because your babies always come first.

The awesome part is at the end of the day when you finally put the baby to sleep and you can lay down and relax. Knowing that everything you did today, and yesterday and the day before, was worth all of the hard work. It was worth seeing my baby happy, healthy, and safe with me. I know being a mom is one of the hardest jobs ever, but now someone looks up to you. You have to do it. You have to do this for your baby, and you have to do this for you too.

 

Until Next Time,

One Step Forward, Three steps back.

I guess the reason I don’t know myself anymore is because I stopped writing. I stopped expressing myself and started bottling everything up. I feel that my life isn’t supposed to be good, like I’m supposed to always feel trapped. Some birds are trapped in cages their entire lives.

I had it good for a while because I was alone. While being alone I started a job, bought a car, bought a laptop, and got to spend every single day with my daughter. This was within two months and that is a pretty big jump for me. I slowly started making friends and having a lot of confidence. I also started school and got my last couple of credits finished so now I am able to graduate officially on May 31, (yay me).

I guess I stopped writing because I felt like I didn’t have anything to write down because I was too busy living my life. Now I am not alone anymore, and things are going backwards. I could list everything going bad for me but why do I have to be so cruel to myself? It’s obviously a big change in my life that I need to make sure I get in charge with before I mess everything up.

I NEED to put my priorities first before I fuck everything up. So here I am again, starting over on a different path trying to find how to live my life how I need it to be. My daughter also deserves everything in this world and I cannot let her down. I am a parent, and that comes first.

Anyways, I might start writing again. It’s not like anyone reads these anyways.

Until Next Time,

It has started.

Hey,

Image result for subway
My life so far.

I haven’t been writing as much lately. I have a lot on my plate, I started a job. I have been here for almost 2 months now. It isn’t the best job, but I love it. I love working here, plus I love the free subs I eat. Of course working at Subway isn’t the best job in the world, but I actually enjoy it and plan on working here for a while.

In the two months of working here, I bought myself a car and a nice laptop. Also a lot of small things too like Gas, license plates, diapers, ect. I have tried all 2017 to buy a car and a laptop and I finally got to. I am proud of myself because I am back in school and I take care of my daughter by myself. My mom helps me take care of Olivia when I’m at work or have to go to the store or something, but I am basically a single parent right now.

My daughter is 7 months old now. She has two teeth and can sit up by herself! She always says nana and dada but barley ever says mama. She is still learning how to crawl, but she is almost there. She doesn’t like strangers and she loves sweet potatoes. It sucks that she still gets up three times a night. That’s the only thing I really hate about being a parent.

Anyways I will be writing more so I will make this short for now.

until next time,

Who are you?

“Who are you?”

That’s probably the most asked question to myself. I always sit and think and think all day long about who I am. I honestly feel like I over think that question sometimes.

Am I someone who loves music and art and anything creative? Am I a person who loves being busy all the time but enjoys never having a break? Do I even like being a big sister or a girlfriend or someone’s first born daughter? I always color my hair and I always change my clothes.

I am a mom now, and it’s so fucking hard. Just let me tell you how fucking hard it is to be someone’s mother. I can’t sleep, my hands are always full, I have spit up all over my shirts all the time. The screaming and crying is what drives me insane. I don’t really have time to find myself right now. I am always so stressed.

I just moved to Denver Colorado with my family. A lot has been going on, new people and new jobs. Everything is new actually. I came here to start over, so I could get my life together. This is my journey to find myself and to help Austin (my boyfriend) find himself too. Being a new parent is so hard, but that’s for another blog one day.

I don’t really want to write a lot in this episode. I just needed to get some stuff off my chest.

Until next time,

My C-Section Experience.

Hi.

It’s been a long time since I had the time to actually sit down and write something. Or, maybe I had the time, maybe I just didn’t have the motivation.

I definitely have the motivation now. I just had a baby!!! Ahhh, pretty exciting. I need to write about everything that happened so later I can look back on it. I really want to know what I was feeling in 10/20 years. So, here I go.

It started off by going to the actual appointment of the c-section. It was at 3:30 but they told me to come in at 1:30 so the nurses could get me prepared for the surgery. I was so excited coming up the elevator to the floor I had to be at. I remember it was on the third floor, in the yellow area at Riverside Hospital.

My Mom, my brother Manuel, and my boyfriend Austin all came back into the room with me. That’s where the nurse had put my IV in my arm, gave me my gown to wear, and shaved all my little hairs off my belly. I was getting so nervous, I had to sign a lot of paper work and that’s when I knew things were actually going to happen today.

The nurse gave Austin a white cloth outfit to put over his actual clothes. He had to wear a blue hate and white cloth over his shoes. He even had to wear a blue face mask. He looked just like a doctor.

austin

After the waiting for two hours, my Mom and Manuel went to the waiting room and it was just me and Austin alone in the room. We were so nervous and couldn’t stop about how nervous we actually were. The doctor came in and told Austin to put everything in a locker, like our babies diaper bag and my purse.

Austin had to wait outside the operating room while they got me ready. I had no idea that the room was so bright and empty like. It looked like almost 10 nurses and one bed was in the middle of this really bright room. They put me on the bed and had to put a spinal in my back. It’s almost like an epidural, I have no idea what the differences are. It didn’t hurt at all. It wasn’t even as bad as when they the IV in my hand.

I thought everything was going to be okay, I had laid down on the bed flat on my back and that’s when I started to panic. My daughter always crushed my lungs when I laid down because she is so big. Not only was that the problem, I wasn’t allowed to move so it made me panic even more. I couldn’t move my legs, only my toes and things got worse for me. I started to throw up, and I couldn’t get up at all, so it was just me laying down while vomit fell out the side of my mouth.

After I threw up, I started to calm down. They put breathing tubes around me so it would help me breathe. That is when Austin was allowed in the room and I calmed down all the way. This was me, after I had calmed down.

docotrs

I was actually really surprised it didn’t take that long. It was only about 45 minutes and it seemed faster than that. I remember Austin was saying “Oh my god, Diamond I see her!! I see her!!!” It got me so excited and I didn’t hear her cry or anything at first and it scared me. After a couple minutes she was screaming her head off. I didn’t get to see her for 5 minutes after she was out, so Austin took my phone and went over to her and took a picture and came back to my table and showed me. I was so happy to finally see her face. I couldn’t stop smiling and wanting her near me. I couldn’t believe I had actually made something so amazing and so beautiful. I was so proud of myself for over coming a lot of things for her. I loved her inch of her that I saw.

After they had put staples to keep my cut shut, they put me on a different bed, and handed me my daughter Olivia Snow Hayes-Biehl. They pushed us to the recovery room where we had out skin to skin time. I couldn’t stop staring at her. It felt impossible to stop starring at her. We had what they called “kangaroo Time” for two hours before they put us in our hospital room.

My mom and Manuel were the firsts to come in the room, because they had been waiting in the waiting room for hours. After they saw her for about 15 minutes everyone else came to the room and saw her. I was upset I had to let go of her tiny body, but I know every one was so excited too.

After everyone had left I was still pretty soar. My body was still numb from the spinal and I couldn’t stand up. When the nurse helped me up blood had just poured out of me. I was wearing a catheter to help me pee, and these weird balloon things were on my feet poofing up and down. The doctor said it was to help me not form a blood clot. I was also taking oxycodone 5mg 2 pills each time.

After everything calmed down, I loved everything about my life in this moment. I loved everything about my family.

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Until Next Time,

whenever that is.

Music to me

I can’t get my mind off the fact that my life is complete shit. I wish someone would help me, but I know that the world is very small and not everyone can help. I guess I’m trying to write because I need to get a lot of stress off my chest. This is how I calm down.

Right now I am sitting at Tim Hortons and listening to The Front Bottoms while writing this. I need a new life. A new everything I guess. I always thought relationships are supposed to last long, but not everything is like that I guess. I want to be happy again, how do I make myself happy? How how how?

Someone please write down the instructions to happiness because I would follow them line for line. My dad thinks I should move to Denver, or away from where I am right now. I know he’s right, but my heart is stuck in the wrong place. 

I still really miss Alyssa. 

I need to find a new way to escape reality. Obviously not a drug because I’m pregnant, but some other type of way to get my mind off of how shitty my life is. I always thought that’s what boyfriend’s were for, but mine just stresses me out even more.

Only two things get my mind distracted. Music and Writing are those two things. I wish I met someone who felt the same. Someone who could just lay in bed with me for days talking about the universe and how things work and how writing is an escape. 

I don’t know who I am anymore. 
Until next time,
Just a reminder of what is most important in my life.